Stepping off the plane at O’Hare I never thought an airport terminal would bring tears to my eyes. I wasn’t crying because I was sad, I cried because I was excited to see what the next four years would bring. I had survived what seemed like an eternal college application season and my family and friends were proud of my accomplishments. The hard part was over, and aside from research papers and all-nighters, the rest would be easy. 

Boy, was I wrong. 

Over the course of the year I found friends and great places to eat but what I didn’t expect to find were moments of doubt and self reflection. As a first generation low income student (FGLI) I knew I had a lot on my shoulders but I was confident enough to embark on a journey out of state, so why was I feeling like this? It came and went through small moments, in and out of the classroom, the feeling that I wasn’t smart enough to be at a school like Northwestern, that I wasn’t as talented as my peers. It hurt. 

Everything was easier back in high school, the goal was to graduate and get into college. Done. So where would I go from here? 

Thankfully through conversations walking along our beautiful lakefront and late night snack sessions in my dorm, I found out I wasn’t alone. The term “imposter syndrome” was thrown around and the discussion of belonging hit differently with the people I had found a new home in. It wasn’t about gratefulness or where we came from, it was coming to terms with who we wanted to be and what we would do with the opportunities we were given.

As the pandemic cut our year short and sent us back home I had even more time to think, and now two years into my college career I have come to realize two things…

1. Northwestern chose YOU for a reason: I know it sounds cheesy but it’s crazy to think that a random individual in the admissions office saw something special in you, so why not do the same?  
2. Support comes in more ways than just “you got this”: Be intentional about the people you surround yourself with and the experiences and opportunities that truly make you happy. Whether it’s telling stories on the radio with WNUR News or taking a chance with your friends to flip upside down in an aerial class, find those moments where you can be you and then those moments of insecurity will be far and few inbetween. 

I write this not to scare you but instead learn from my experiences. Knowing that I wasn’t alone in this would have made my freshman year 100 times better and now I have a sense of what “imposter syndrome” means to me. It isn’t just an obstacle to overcome but an opportunity to grow and learn from. I definitely do NOT  have all the answers and I can’t say everything will be ok 100% of the time, but if we take the time to see how far we’ve come then we can find the strength to keep pushing on.